I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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