just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
