He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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