remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
