think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
