Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
