just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
