I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My ass is underappreciated
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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