I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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