Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
