My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
