Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just pynch a tree in the face
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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