are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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