I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
