so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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