i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
