You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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