She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
