my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
