I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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