My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
