Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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