Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
