We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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