you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
