Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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