and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
