so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
