haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
