we have officially lost it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
