Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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