a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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