It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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