I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
