Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
