Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
