you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
