Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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