after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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