A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
