Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize