Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
