I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
