That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
