You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We are two peas in an std pod
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
