tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
