So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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