the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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