she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
