oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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