Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I pour the whiskey from now on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
