i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
