Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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