we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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