i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
