I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
