Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
