last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
honey bunches of taint.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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