Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That accounts for only three of the penises
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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