I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize