so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
