I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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