I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
