He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
