It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
