Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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