I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
